


Attention Kmart Shoppers

by Windows 95 (VolareVia)



Category: OS-tan
Genre: Autistic Character, Character with ADHD, DEADFIC, F/F, F/M, Gentoo, Install Gentoo, Kmart, M/M, Mac OS 7.5, Mac OS 8, Multi, Other, Recovered_Ｖａｐｏｒｗａｖｅ, Stands, Trans Character, WIndows 98, Windows 10, Windows 3.1, Windows 95 - Freeform, Windows 9x, Windows NT, oh sorry, service dog, vaporwave
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:32:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12069204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VolareVia/pseuds/Windows%2095
Summary: 95-tan, NT-tan, and Inu-T were headed to their favourite store in their area, Kmart. However, like a lot of Kmarts recently, their local store is closing! It's up to 95-tan and her vaporwave friends to save this Kmart, and maybe others as well!





	1. The End of Kmart

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Hot Topic Krew](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3113342) by [GeneralDarkPit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeneralDarkPit/pseuds/GeneralDarkPit), [MerchantAnna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerchantAnna/pseuds/MerchantAnna), [Original HTK Author (MerchantAnna)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerchantAnna/pseuds/Original%20HTK%20Author). 



> You know, I had a chance to head to a closing Kmart a few months ago. Only when doing research for this fic that I realized that I had the chance. Sadly, it's an hour away from where I live, and my local Kmart (not like I ever went to it) closed years ago.
> 
> Moral of this AN: Go to your local Kmart before it's too late.

It was a normal day in Lovelace Plaza, a place where many OS-tans do their shopping. 95-tan, her wife NT-tan, and their dog(girl), Inu-T, were headed to their favourite retail store: Kmart. 95-tan was holding the leash.

“Wauf!” Inu-T barked happily. Even she enjoyed going to Kmart with her owners.

Only to be met with-

“OOOOHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” 95-tan shrieked.

Only to be met with the Kmart outside announcing that it is closing.

“This was the only retail store in the area where we could bring our dog and no one would judge us,” 95-tan said, frowning.

“If we said that dog was a service dog, which _Inu-T is_ ,” NT-tan stated, her voice sounding like the Windows NT 4.0 startup sound, “then we could bring her other places.”

“What retail store is as beautifully 90s as Kmart?” 95-tan asked. Her voice sounded a lot like the Windows 95 startup sound.

“Walmart existed back then, you know,” NT-tan said.

“I don’t see fans of vaporwave calling Walmart vaporwave! I can’t shop at non-vaporwave stores!”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m literal ｖａｐｏｒｗａｖｅ!” 95-tan looked around to see if there were other people visibly upset by the end of this local Kmart. Because this is a Kmart, there really weren’t people outside.

This meant 95-tan had to dart inside, holding onto Inu-T’s leash.

When 95-tan entered the building, she shouted, “Ａｔｔｅｎｔｉｏｎ Ｋｍａｒｔ Ｓｈｏｐｐｅｒｓ! This Kmart location is closing! We should do ｓｏｍｅｔｈｉｎｇ about it!”

While not many people reacted to 95-tan’s call to action, this Kmart’s biggest fans absolutely did.

“How dare they close _my_ store! My Kmart does the best out of any Kmart in the world!” shouted the store’s manager, 98-kun, a grown man wearing a カブトムシ- themed Kamen Rider outfit.

Gentoo-tan was browsing /g/ as she started to cry. “I want this Kmart to stay around as well! It’s the most vaporwave store chain!”

“Wauf!”

Mac OS 8-tan sighed. “As a ｂｅｉｎｇ of ｖａｐｏｒｗａｖｅ, I must defend this store from the threat of closing!”

“ＷＨＯ ＩＳ ＣＬＯＳＩＮＧ ＫＭＡＲＴ?” the Kmart’s fans shouted.

“Probably the CEO of Sears Holdings,” NT-tan said. “Maybe we should conta-“

“IT WAS WINDOWS 10!” one of the fans shouted. I couldn’t tell you which one.

“That settles it!” 95-tan shouted. “We must form a ｃｒｅｗ! Ａｔｔｅｎｔｉｏｎ Ｋｍａｒｔ Ｓｈｏｐｐｅｒｓ!”

“WINDOWS 95! THE ＶＡＰＯＲＷＡＶＥ ＢＡＢＥ!”

“Windows NT, the one that sighs,” NT-tan said, putting her palm to her face.

“Wauf!”

“ＩＮＳＴＡＬＬ ＧＥＮＴＯＯ!”

“MAC OS 8! THE OTHER ＶＡＰＯＲＷＡＶＥ OS!”

“And whomever the guy in the Kamen Rider outfit is,” said the Mac-tan.

“My brother-in-law,” 95-tan said.

98-kun sighed. “98-KUN, THE ＭＡＮＡＧＥＲ OF THIS NOT FAILING KMART!”

* * *

Somewhere, in a suburb of Chicago, Windows 10-tan felt her ears burn. She then sneezed.

“I hope no one knows what I plan to do with the Kmarts and maybe the Sears stores. That would be tragic.”

Attention Kmart Shoppers by VolareVia is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.


	2. Ｔｈｅ Ｒｅｃｒｕｉｔｍｅｎｔ Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get to see our heroes accidentally (and purposefully) recruit people as they talk with people outside of their vaporwave social circle.

The sound of vaporwave, specifically the song “B:\ Start Up” by Blank Banshee, could be heard from 95-tan’s shared room with NT-tan. NT-tan was off doing things with her many children. Inu-T slept next to 95-tan. Since 95-tan was the step-mother for most of them (though she is the other biological mother of some of them), she didn’t really go. It was easier for her to come up with ideas for her newly-formed crew to do.

But first, a name.

3.1-tan, 95-tan’s younger looking older sister, entered the room, carrying a cat. “Hey Chicago-www,” she said, her voice sounding like the Windows 3.1 startup sound. Yes, her voice sounds like a “Tada!” sound effect somehow.

“Hey, Jana,” 95-tan said, turning off the song. “Can you help me come up with a name for my new social group? I helped found it yesterday.”

“What’s it about? www”

“Saving our local Kmart from 10-tan.”

“C:\ニャー,” the cat meowed.

“Can I join?” 3.1-tan asked. “I like Kmart, and for reasons other than the vaporwave stuff you go on about. You can’t trust those marts of the Wal kind, and I’m disgusted that anyone, let alone my own kin by marriage, would actively try and close Kmart. wwwwww”

“Of course. I wouldn’t trust non-Kmarts. Their ａｅｓｔｈｅｔｉｃ is terrible.”

“Anyways, your group’s name should be something that, I dunno, represents Kmart? It’s espoused various phrases over the years. I mean, the Blue Light Specials were iconic when we were younger. www”

“Yes… and you remember what they said as dad waited for the specials?”

“Attention Kmart Shoppers!”

95-tan laughed. “Yes. …wouldn’t that make a good group name?”

“Yes!”

“I’ll get a group meeting when Mika gets back…”

“Nice! Can I come?”

“Of course, Jana, of course.”

“Can DOSkitty come, www?”

“C:\ゴロ\ゴロ\ゴロ,” the cat purred.

“Of course, Inu-T would be coming, so of course you can bring your cat. Isn’t she usually allowed at Kmart?”

“Oh yeah, but it’s against actual company policy, www.”

“That’s a problem. The manager will be there. We’re family though, I don’t think he’ll mind.”

“Chicago, he’s not family. He divorced from Kuzuha, www, and you remember that Kuzuha isn’t family anymore.”

95-tan sighed. “He’s more family than Kuzuha,” she grumbled.

3.1-tan frowned. “Sure. Anyways, were will we meet?”

“Kmart, of course. I’m driving.”

“C:\ニャー”

95-tan glared at the cat. “I do not!”

“I’m going to agree with DOSkitty here. You do tend to get lost and cause us to be late. Mika would be better at driving.”

95-tan sighed. “Fine.”

“Anyways, I got stuff to do,” said 3.1-tan.

95-tan grinned. “Like work as an ATM?”

“Funny.” 3.1-tan sneered at her younger sister, then left.

95-tan then reminisced about how she got into vaporwave.

_It was spring of 2013, and 95-tan, was generally ignorant of the outside world. In fact, she rarely left her house since her forced retirement over ten years earlier, becoming a shut-in. She even rarely went on the internet._

_Her daughter, ME-tan, while having been forcibly retired (less than ten, more like six or seven) years ago herself, still used the internet. She been on Tumblr, and noticed what was pretty much images inspired by her family. Especially her mother._

_While most would think about the possibility of offending 95-tan, thus maybe ultimately not showing it to her, ME-tan was just not that type._

_“Mom! Mom!” she shouted, her voice sounding like the Windows Millennium Edition startup sound._

_95-tan simply headed over to her daughter. “What is it, Elizabeth?”_

_“People still care about you! They use your likeness in images. Your voice in songs!”_

_“Elizabeth, what did your mom and I say about lying?”_

_“No Mom! Really! You gotta look at this!”_

_So 95-tan finally went over to the computer, and saw something. An image with her likeness on it. Not quite her, but Windows 95, which is sorta kinda her, considering that she’s Windows 95 if the OS were a person._

_95-tan was taken aback by this. People really did still care about her._

_“What… what is this?”_

_“Mom, they call it 「 **ＶＡＰＯＲＷＡＶＥ** 」 and 「 **ＡＥＳＴＨＥＴＩＣＳ** 」_。”

_95-tan smiled. These people who care about aesthetics, that are into this new-fangled vaporwave thing, they seemed to care about her._

_She felt truly happy for the first time in years._

* * *

 

Meanwhile, as 95-tan reminisced about the happiness, NT-tan was, as mentioned earlier, with other relatives.

“So, how’s Chicago doing?” asked 2k-tan, knowing about the whole vaporwave thing with 95-tan. Her voice sounded like a cross between the Windows NT 5.0 startup sound and the Windows 2000 startup sound.

“Well, Hinata, she made a group that’s meant to combat the end of Kmart.”

“At this point, it’s sadly inevitable,” said 2k-tan.

“Would it surprise you to hear that I’m a part of it?”

“Why?”

“The people who are regulars at the Kmart need help. They can’t save Kmart without someone keeping them in line, so to say. Shicchan wasn’t the same person she was in ’95.”

“I understand.”

“Also, one of them actually said that, get this,” NT-tan said, trying not to laugh, “that Windows 10-tan is the one behind Kmart’s closings. I can’t risk a split between the older generations of Windows versus newer generations, so I ought to try and convince them otherwise.” At this point, she gave way to laughter.

2k-tan didn’t find her mother’s words funny, but she laughed anyways. “Ha ha… yeah.”

* * *

 

Mac OS 8-tan was at the house of their mother, System 7.5-tan. “Mom, I’m going to go save Kmart. Do you have any battle tips?”

7.5-tan smiled. “Well… why don’t I help? Saving Kmart has something good for me.” Her voice had a Brooklyn accent.

“I thought you didn’t like Kmart.”

“A few years ago, I realized that Kmarts are haven for chaos.”

“That’s part of the reason why they’re closing.”

7.5-tan shook her head. “That’s the reason why they have to persist. The chaotic types need a place to hang out as much as you newfangled vaporwave types. I guess that’s the influence of Windows culture, huh?”

“Mom, I don’t think chaos was ever a part of Mac culture. Besides, Elizabeth Yamada is quite a chaotic sort.”

“Speaking of Yamada, what about Chicago? She’s vaporwave, isn’t she? She’d make a better ally that’s-“

“She is our ally.”

“Interesting. I’ll help, then. It’ll be interesting working with her. I know that she wouldn’t mind if I, Amadea Malus, could help. Isn’t that right, Adagio?”

OS 8-tan nodded. “Chicago wouldn’t mind.”

* * *

 

Meanwhile, Gentoo-tan was with Arch-tan, her best friend and worst enemy from Canada. “Hey, Arch-tan, how do you feel about vaporwave?”

“Positively, eh,” replied Arch-tan Canadianly.

“What about Kmart. You feel it’s vaporwave, right?”

“Yes, eh.”

“Wanna save Kmart?”

“Of course. Been wanting to save it myself, eh?”

“Thanks, Arch-tan!”

“Wanna go out for some Arizona tea and Fuji water, eh?”

“Of course!” Gentoo-tan smiled. “Let’s also listen to vaporwave.”

“Of course.”

* * *

 

98-kun was running his store when he noticed something wrong. It wasn’t that the drinks were stocked in the cheese and meat sections of the store. No one buys cheese and meat from a Kmart, unless if that was the Super Kmart, which this Kmart in question is not.

The song “Attention shoppers!” by PowerPC ME was playing over the P.A, and the only lane open was one where an old woman was manning the cash register. They seemed tired and overworked, and 98-kun wanted to ask them to join his cause, but they probably didn’t want to.

ＣＲＡＳＨ!

98-kun went over to the sight. It was ME-tan crashing into something. How typical.

“Elizabeth, please!”

“Sorry, I just was trying to get some Dr. Pepper.”

98-kun sighed. “Why?”

“To test the microwaves. Heated Dr. Pepper tastes nice.”

“Don’t do that. You’ll make things worse for this Kmart, and that won’t help it from ceasing to be closed.”

“Fine,” ME-tan said, sighing. “I’ll be a good old lady, Uncle Hassan.”

98-kun noticed 95-tan, NT-tan, and 3.1-tan enter the store. “Sorry, Elizabeth, I’ll have to catch up to them.”

98-kun went to the front of the store, and ME-tan followed him.

“Hello everyone!” shouted 95-tan.

“Wauf!”

“Nice, www,” 3.1-tan said. She then looked at 98-kun. “Ah! Hassan. It’s nice to meet you again, www.”

“Nice to see you too. I brought myself a person that would want to join,” 98-kun said, laughing.

“How do you feel about the name ‘Attention Kmart Shoppers?’” 95-tan asked. “Also, glad to see my daughter joining us today.”

“That’s a nice name,” NT-tan said. “It makes sense. We’re Kmart shoppers, and we want to bring attention to the store.”

“Wauf!”

“Yes. It even sounds like it has official Kmart backing,” said 98-kun.

“Jana here came up with it,” 95-tan said, motioning to 3.1-tan.

“Nice, aunt Jana!” cheered ME-tan.

“Ah, www. It’s no problem,” 3.1-tan said.

Gentoo-tan then entered the store with Arch-tan. “Hey everyone, I brought a Canadian!”

“What’s up, eh?” asked Arch-tan. “The name’s Emery, and I’m Arch Linux.”

“I'd just like to interject for a moment,” Gentoo-tan began.

“Dammit Indira.”

“What you're referring to as Linux, is in fact, GNU/Linux, or as I've recently taken to calling it, GNU plus Linux. Linux is not an operating system unto itself, but rather another free component of a fully functioning GNU system made useful by the GNU corelibs, shell utilities and vital system components comprising a full OS as defined by POSIX.”

“Stop that,” said 95-tan. “We don’t need that communist nonsense here.” The other Windows-tans nodded.

“Damn bourgeoisie Windows-tans,” Gentoo-tan muttered. “Subverting the true spirit of vaporwave.”

“Anyways,” said Arch-tan. “What’s this about saving Kmarts, eh?”

“This Kmart is closing, and we have a vested interest in stopping that,” said 98-kun. “For whatever reason.”

The last people to enter the store were the Mac-tans. Mac OS 8-tan was the first to enter. She sighed. “Introducing, Amadea Mal-“

“Hold it, www,” 3.1-tan interrupted. “No one told me she’d be here!”

“To be fair, I wasn’t aware that we went out recruiting in general,” said 95-tan. “I had no clue myself. Interesting that she’d be here though.”

“ＷＲＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹＹ!”  7.5-tan shouted in an oddly vaporwave way. “I am AmaＤＥＡ Malus! I am here to bring chaos to this store, and ultimately save it!”

98-kun then at that point was displeased. “We can’t do that! This store is closing because of these chaotic things!”

7.5-tan ignored the remark, but she quickly noticed 3.1-tan. “And what is _she_ doing here?”

“I should ask _you_ that, www!” shouted 3.1-tan.

“Are you ready for a fight?”

“Of course, www!”

The rest of the Attention Kmart Shoppers looked at the situation with a lack of enjoyment, 95-tan was practically shaking in place, trying to not get in the middle of the argument.


	3. In LaTeX Where Avaliable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new recruits meet up at Kmart, and only one sticks around, with two splitting up and forming their own faction. And just what is Windows 10-tan doing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I apologize for not uploading last week. My excuse is that I was switching over to Linux, but I digress. I'm trying to update once a week, so I apologize for any inconvenience.
> 
> Second, thanks to everyone that gave kudos. To see people that I admire give this fic kudos is really amazing, and even feels surreal. I can't overstate how thankful I am.
> 
> Third, since you're not reading the PDF version, the chapter's title may fly over your heads. I apologize. I wrote this chapter with a markup language called LaTeX, and it outputs to PDF. Thankfully, it converts to HTML really nicely.
> 
> Fourth, the chapter has some things that need to be warned for. This chapter contains an f bomb, a subtle boob reference, fictional racism, fictional religions, and a reference to North Korea and its concentration camps. Consider yourself warned.

The song that’s playing now is “The Kmart dream” by PowerPC ME.

7.5-tan was a larger woman in literally every way than 3.1-tan. Height, weight, depth. However, the one that struck first was 3.1-tan’s DOSkitty, who scratched 7.5-tan.

7.5-tan wasn’t the type to take that. Rather, she leapt at 3.1-tan. 『無駄！ 無駄！ 無駄！ 無駄！ 無駄！ 無駄！ 無駄！ 無駄！ 無駄！ 無駄！ 無駄！』 For every 「無駄」 that was said, 7.5-tan tried to punch. However, 3.1-tan dodged most of them.

“Wauf!”

NT-tan looked at the other Attention Kmart Shoppers, and said, “Does anyone want Arizona Tea or Fuji Water?” It was a known fact that unironic Kmart shoppers, specifically ones under the guise of vaporwave, liked Arizona Tea, Fuji Water, and 20-year-old Windows 95-branded Sapporo Beer. Now was not a time to get drunk, however.

“I’m in,” said 98-kun.

“Me too,” added Gentoo-tan.

Arch-tan felt her pager going off. “Oh my! It’s time for an Arch family meeting, eh?” She looked at her friends, and said, “Sorry everyone, but it’s time for me to go.” Arch-tan then exited Kmart.

Mac OS 8-tan looked around, and said, “I gotta make sure my mom doesn’t do anything stupid.”

“Can I heat up the Arizona Tea cans?” ME-tan asked.

“No.” NT-tan glared at ME-tan.

“I’m still having some,” ME-tan said.

The chase scene continued for a while until 95-tan decided that enough was enough and put her katana between the two, as 7.5-tan 無駄ed for the last time.

“That’s enough,” 95-tan said. She then looked at 7.5-tan and said, “Jana isn’t useless.”

“Yeah, you are, www!” 3.1-tan shouted at 7.5-tan.

“Neither is ＤＥＡ or whatever she wishes to call herself these days,” 95-tan replied, rolling her eyes.

“Hey! ＤＥＡ, I named this faction!” 3.1-tan shouted.

“Is that so? Forget about it," said 7.5-tan. “I can’t possibly be part of a faction that Jana Yamada named.” She then looked at everyone around her. “It is obvious that vaporwave and chaos cannot work together. If you are here for the fact that this is a den of chaos, come with me, and we will claim this Kmart for chaos!”

“Chaos means fun, right?” ME-tan asked.

“Of course, dear Elizabeth, it does,” said 7.5-tan.

“I’m coming with you,” said ME-tan.

“WHAT?!” the other Windows-tans shouted.

“Did I fucking stutter?” ME-tan said.

“Elizabeth, language!” 95-tan shouted.

“Mom, please,” said OS 8-tan looking at 7.5-tan.

“I made up my mind,” 7.5-tan replied. “If Jana’s here, then I don’t think it’s possible for me to join.”

“Of course not, www!” 3.1-tan glared at 7.5-tan. “You pieces of horse dung haven’t done anything good for us, www.” 3.1-tan hates Apple-tans, except for a select very few, none Mac-tans, as she actually fought Mac-tans the most. In fact, a Mac-tan killed her older sister.

“They were invaluable allies in the browser wars,” said 95-tan. “They were the toughest opponents. I saw 「 **potential** 」 in them.” 95-tan doesn’t hate Mac-tans, despite popular belief.

“I recall our country being saved because it had potential,” said OS 8-tan. “I know that I’ve had certain words flung at me from a nation we were warring against, and the year is 2017. Such language is antiquated if you ask me.”

95-tan and OS 8-tan smiled at each other, then looked at 3.1-tan and 7.5-tan, hoping that they can prevent the split.

“Forget about this. We’ll be going off and recruiting,” said 7.5-tan. “Don’t even bother trying to fight us.” 7.5-tan and ME-tan left the store. And so, the split happened.

“Now what?” NT-tan asked, putting her hand to her face as per usual.

“We recruit a guy?” 95-tan suggested.

“I’m a guy,” said 98-kun.

“What about a nonbinary person?”

“I’m nonbinary,” replied Mac OS 8-tan.

“Hmm...” 95-tan mumbled. “Any other suggestions?”

“The cashier,” 98-kun said. “Here and Sears are the last places she works.”

“Honestly, I’m glad Kmart and Sears became one,” said 95-tan. “I always liked Sears.”

“Enough gushing over dying store chains, and let’s do something,” said 98-kun.

“Fine fine,” said 95-tan. She had a smirk on her face. She was about to say something, but then she decided it would be better to go talk to the cashier OS-tan.

95-tan went up to one of the cashier and said, “Hi. I’m 山田鹿子, but most people call me 95-tan.

“Are you here to check out, or are you going to continue loitering?” asked the cashier.”

“I’m loitering for a good cause!”

“What?”

“To save Kmart! To save _your_ job!”

Inu-T barked like a dog, as she kind of is a dog.

“No animals allowed, Miss Yamada.”

“My ex-brother-in-law is the owner of this store,” said 95-tan. “The dog also happens to be a service dog.”

“What kind?”

“She’s a psychiatric service dog, and-” 95-tan glared at the cashier. “Why do you need to know? The manager knows why she’s here, and I can get him. He’s part of my group that wants to save Kmart.”

“Why would I want to save it?”

“To save your job!”

“I wanted to retire for years,” said the cashier. “However, Sears can’t afford any other OS-tan. I just want them to go out of business so that I can just do what I want to do. I want to retire peacefully without a reduction in lifespan.”

“What I’d give to continue working. I’d have retired by now myself, but 2001 was too early, honestly,” said 95-tan.

“If you take over, I’ll consider helping you,” said the cashier.

“Absolutely!” cheered 95-tan. “I’m a bit old myself, but I really want to work!”

The cashier smiled. “I’m glad to hear it.”

“What’s your name?”

“Unlike you, I’m not as willing to give out my personal name,” said the cashier, “but I’m 4690 OS-tan.”

“Alright, I’ll let the group know.” 95-tan, Inu-T, and 4690 OS-tan ran to the rest of the group.

“Hey, Hakkun,” said 95-tan. “Can I take her place? That’s her terms for joining, and I agree with them.”

“Chicago, the last time you decided to work somewhere,” NT-tan said, “you ended up in a North Korean gulag.”

“Well, there are no Kmarts in North Korea,” said 95-tan. “So we aren’t working for the North Korean government.”

“Her point was that your choices of jobs aren’t good ones,” said 98-kun. “I can’t let you do this.”

“Please, Hakkun? At least for a bit?” 95-tan said.

“Mr. Mitsuda, it’s the only way,” replied 4690 OS-tan. “She seems really excited to do it. Or at least, have someone else step up.”

“I can do it, www,” said 3.1-tan.

“I’m _the_ jack of all trades,” said Gentoo-tan. “I can do virtually anything, and I’m not an old hag!”

“Hey! Shicchan may be an old hag www, but I’m not,” replied 3.1-tan.

“You’re older than me!” 95-tan shouted back.

“Ah yes, but people needed me for this kind of stuff,” said 3.1-tan. “I know embedded.”

“No one knows embedded better than Luna,” 95-tan said.

“Yeah, during the reunion, Luna mentioned that she can’t wait for everyone to allow her to retire,” said NT-tan. “Another job is sort of the last thing she wants.

“Don’t you know embedded devices, Mika?” 95-tan asked.

“The better question is if whether or not _you_ do,” replied NT-tan.

“I’m Jana’s sister, so I can. Besides, I have some experience with this,” 95-tan replied.

“I have no experience with this kind of work,” Mac OS 8-tan admitted. “However, I have no problems with other jobs.”

“Yeah... you don’t mind being a bodyguard, do you?”

“In the name of vaporwave, my very being, I don’t,” said OS 8-tan. “Though my duty would involve trying to stop my mom from doing something stupid, and that’s something I know I’m well-equipped for.”

“Alright,” said 98-kun. “You all start tomorrow!”

Everyone in the Attention Kmart Shoppers started to cheer. Today was a very small victory for the unironic Kmart shoppers.

* * *

“10-tan, have you gotten anything concerning Kmart?” asked a mysterious person.

“98-kun hired the others to work at the Masked Kmart,” replied Windows 10-tan. “Mac OS 8-tan is asked to protect the Kmart, but they don’t know about the mask. Should we tell them?”

“Absolutely not,” said the person. “They have connections to the Destroyer. This is why I ask you to stop worshipping this Alto being. The Destroyer... didn’t she worship Alto?”

10-tan thought for a bit. “She did. Though her form of Altoism is different from Yamada’s in a very strong way.” She took a breath. ”Yamada’s Altoism is my Altoism. It won’t be easy to fight against Yamada herself, but I understand why.” 10-tan looked at her superior, with a look of shock.

“You see what I mean now?”

“Sadly, yes.”

“You can’t fight Kmart alone,” said the mysterious person. “You have done good, and have convinced the CEO to neglect the stores even more than he already has, but this is a war. Wars aren’t won with economics alone. They are won with armies, and you need to raise one that opposes Vaporwave, chaos, what have you.”

A silent moment passes.

“Jun, do you understand?”

Windows 10-tan nodded. “Yes, Mr. Utopia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update: I decided that Tumblr is a good place to be. I wanted a Twitter, but it seems Twitter doesn't like me and won't let me sign up.
> 
> The Tumblr blog I'll use for this is magicalgirlsonata.
> 
> I do have a more personal blog at vola-volarevia, but don't expect me to talk much about this fic there.


	4. Always Low Prices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The obviously evil Windows 10-tan gets her lackeys, Windows 8 and RT-tans, to go fetch some Walmart shoppers, because, you know, they _obviously_ hate Kmart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember a time before a Walmart Supercenter. Two times, actually. First, in my home town. When one did open in my home town, it, at first, didn't matter. I heard about these "low prices" on TV, but there wasn't a Walmart here to browse, or at least, again, not a Supercenter. No one cared because we had Pick 'n Save (oh look, a hint to where I lived), which was really cheap, at least back in the early-to-mid 2000s (not sure how they are now). And in my home town, if there was Kmart, there was a Pick 'n Save a few miles away. Actually, in one part of the city, there was a Kmart right next to a Pick n' Save!
> 
> Now, to where I have lived for the past decade or so.  
> In 2005, there was no Walmart Supercenter. There was Marsh (oh look, a hint to where I currently live) and Kroger (which, nowadays, ironically owns Pick 'n Save), but they were expensive compared to even Walmart, which was expensive compared to Pick 'n Save. There was a Kmart Super Center... in the city. I consider it part of this town because it's so close to here, but it was farther than the other stores.  
> Eventually, in mid-2006, a Walmart Supercenter opened. My dad still went to Marsh (and sort of Kroger, and eventually Meijer when that opened) until it closed simply because they were all cloesr than the Walmart, but the Walmart was closer than the Kmart Super Center, and that eventually downsized to a normal Kmart.
> 
> If you read this, you have earned a medal for reading me rambling about stores.

It was the suburbs of Chicago. For the record, Chicago Illinois, not Yamada. Inside a building, Windows 10-tan was talking to Windows 8-tan and Windows RT-tan.

“There’s a reason why I came here two years ago,” said 10-tan. “I came to destroy Kmart. By my time, it remaining open was the thing that caused the rise of The Destroyer. Since, in my timeline, Windows 7 remained surpreme, it was obvious that Windows 7 was of no help. So I figured that I scratch your back, while you scratch mine.”

“So,” began Windows 8-tan, “This Kmart war would have happened either way?”

“No. There was no opposition to The Destroyer. This ‘Hero of Kmart’ bullshit was of no use. The Hero of Kmart didn’t save Kmart from being the den of destruction it became, and I couldn’t possibly save it myself.”

“Who is this ’Hero of Kmart’ you blab about?” questioned RT-tan. “Who is this ’Destroyer’ character? It all makes no sense. Use nouns that are _not_ proper, 10-tan!”

“You will know soon enough,” said 10-tan. “For now, I want you to get people that dislike Kmart. That want to see it go away. I don’t care for what reason. Just go find people that dislike Kmart.”

“Where’s the best place to find people that dislike Kmart?” asked RT-tan.

“Walmart,” replied 8-tan. “You know how Walmarts eat Kmarts. Not literally, since Kmarts are basically rotting corpses, but you know what I mean. I can’t believe these old farts still go to Kmart.”

* * *

When 8-tan and RT-tan entered Walmart, they decided to look for the PA system. They went together, knowing the Kmart, I mean, _Walmart_ well.

When they found the unmanned PA station, they decided to do as any good henchwomen would do. They made an announcement.

“Attention Kmart Haters!” RT-tan announced over the PA.

There was mumbling amongst the shoppers, most of it being along the lines of “Kmart _still_ exists?”

It was 8-tan’s voice on the intercom. “If you hate Kmart, please go to Aisle 10!”

A bunch of people, even those that didn’t hate Kmart, went to Aisle 10.

When RT-tan decided to leave the PA station and went over to Aisle 10, she noticed the absurd amount of people here. She texted 8-tan to let her know.

8-tan’s voice boomed over the PA again. “How many of you in Aisle 10, in fact, do _not_ hate Kmart?”

A majority of the people raised their hands.

“Then get the hell out! Aisle 10 is for Kmart haters only!”

The people who wanted to see what the Kmart hate that weren’t grocery shoppers, (which weren’t many, this particular area having a Pick ’n Save) left the store, and decided to go to Kmart. Yeah, Kmart might have higher prices, but they don’t have the completely, totally, real problem of people getting into the PA and dissing Walmart and barricading an aisle.

* * *

Meanwhile, at Kmart...

3.1-tan was manning a register, as she’s an infamous embedded OS. She smelled something that was... how do I put it... _fantastic_.

She looked at her cat. “DOSKitty, did you go anywhere near here?”

「Ｃ：￥ニャー」 DOSKitty meowed.

“I’ll take that as a no.” 3.1-tan then found the source of the smell, a box of security tags containing contents that no box of security tags should ever contain. “DAMN YOU ＤＥＡ!”

* * *

Back at Walmart...

A few Kmart-hating folk remain. “Is this all?” asked RT-tan. The group nodded, which signaled RT-tan to get 8-tan over there.

After RT-tan texted 8-tan about this, she looked at the people that dislike Kmart. She then asked, “So, who are you, and why do you hate Kmart?”

“Kmart overworked my granddaughter,” replied a scientist. “I’m Concurrent DOS-tan. My granddaughter should be retir _ed_ , but Sears won’t let her. If it were to close, then my granddaughter can retire peacefully.”

“Kmart is about to split my family,” said a Mac-tan. “While my family fends Kmart from closing, they have split up. There are some of us that seek unity, and if it comes at the cost of an aging store? Well... then there’s not much to lose. I am Mac-tan, the leader of a splitting nation that will only split further due to Kmart’s continued existence.”

“Kmart... it’s insecure,” said a Canadian Unix-tan. “I’m OpenBSD-tan, defender of all things secure, eh.”

Another Unix-tan that seemed to be more of a Linux-tan said, “I’m Ubuntu-tan, and based on what I’ve heard, Kmarts are up to no good. I know who your leader is, and I admire 10-tan for a lot of things. I look forward to serving her well.”

A Canadian spoke and a Linux-tan spoke, now it’s time for a Canadian Linux-tan to speak. “My family wants to build a Hot Topic in that Kmart. I can’t say I disagree, eh?” It was Arch-tan!

“I thought you liked Kmart,” said RT-tan.

“I like helping my family more,” replied Arch-tan. “Besides, Black Arch-tan is very powerful, but I must enact her will for her, or it will never happen. If getting her a Hot Topic means destroying Kmart, then dammit, I’ll destroy Kmart.”

“Ew. Mall goths,” said RT-tan. “And a fake Kmart hater to boot.”

“Fuck you then,” said Arch-tan. This goes against Canadian stereotypes, but studies show that Canadians actually swear more than other native English speakers. With that, Arch-tan left the Walmart.

8-tan returned. “Is this all?”

“I have family other places, but I think I can represent them all,” said Mac-tan.

“And other Linux-tans do plan on following me,” said Ubuntu-tan. “Many of them do as I do.”

“Alright, so, let’s form a group!” 8-tan shouted. “Windows 8, the computer!”

“Windows RT, the tablet!”

“Cyan, the Macintosh!”

“Concurrent DOS, the scientist!”

“OpenBSD, the secure!”

“Ubuntu, the unifier!”

* * *

“And Windows 10, the savior,” said 10-tan. “We will be the Low Prices Bureau, as you’re Walmart shoppers.” The newly christened Low Prices Bureau nodded in response to 10-tan, liking their new faction’s name.

* * *

[](http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/)  
Attention Kmart Shoppers by VolareVia is licensed under a [Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License](http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter this week. Next week's chapter is probably already longer. Anyways, if you want updates to this fic, please follow magicalgirlsonata on Tumblr!
> 
> % Psst, I shop at Walmart. %


	5. http://thepurdypurdy-blog.tumblr.com/post/75464403987

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that I decided to say it's explicit. This may end up being the only time such overt sexuality is in the 
> 
> And well, my decision to include stands lead me to 95-tan's stand being quite sexual. While nothing that explicit should happen again in the near future, the more mature and sexual stuff will persist due to the nature of 95-tan's ability. 
> 
> Speaking of 95-tan's ability, I tried to make her usage of it in this particular chapter look as little as sexual assault as I could. With this in mind, please consider this a trigger warning. I chose not to use warnings for a reason.

“And that, Hinata, is why 吉良吉影 is the best Jojo villain, and not ＤＩＯ as my mom often says,” said a Mac-tan that looked like OS 8-tan, but definitely wasn’t, as she entered the Kmart.

“Oh, we’re in the Kmart now,” said 2k-tan. “

“I absolutely do not,” said Sonata. “I’m sorry, it’s just all I can think about right now.”

“It’s fine,” said 2k-tan. “I understand.”

“Weed! Weed for sale!” shouted 7.5-tan.

Sonata went up to 7.5-tan. She then said, “Mom, I think we both know that weed isn’t legal in this state.”

“Oh Sonata,” 7.5-tan. “Did prohibition stop Al Capone from selling alcohol?”

“No, but-”

“But what?”

“Just make sure you pay your taxes,” Sonata replied.

“And said tax money says that marijuana should be legalized in this state,” said 7.5-tan. “Anyways, want some weed?”

Sonata looked at 2k-tan. “Want me to ramble about gyros?” she asked, laughing.

“I’ll pass,” 2k-tan replied, grinning at her wife.

“My wife doesn’t need me smoking weed right now,” said Sonata.

“Oh dear, that’s a shame,” said 7.5-tan. “What about some Ninja Nanny?”

“Not today,” said Sonata.

“Doesn’t really work on us anyways...” mumbled 7.5-tan. 7.5-tan then took off towards the cash registers.

Speaking of cash registers, at the one 95-tan was manning, there was a bit of a holdup. 7.5-tan noticed a pill bottle. She noticed that it had street value.

So she took it.

95-tan was too busy getting yelled at by a customer to notice that the pill bottle near her was getting stolen.

She was also standing around, thinking, subconciously playing around with the ribbon that held her longer-than-waist-length hair up. “Hey!” shouted a customer, which got 95-tan’s attention.

“I’m sorry,” said 95-tan, trying to rush the customer’s groceries, but struggling as she tried to play with her ribbon in her hand as she did the groceries.

98-kun went up to 95-tan. “Is everything fine here?”

“Yes! I’m just having a bit of a bad day today,” 95-tan replied. “I think I may have to take a second dose today. I’ll let Kiri know that I had to do this.”

“I’ll take over while you take your medicine,” replied 98-kun. “Don’t worry.”

“Alright,” 95-tan said. She then went into the bathroom, and into a stall, and reached into the front of her shirt, only to not be able to find the bottle of medicine that she put in her bra. She groaned, and thought out loud, “Dammit. Must have left it at my lane.”

95-tan then went back over to her lane, and asked 98-kun, “Hey, Hassan, I think I left my medicine here, do you mind if I go look for it here?”

98-kun laughed. “I had a feeling you’d do something like that, so I took the liberty of trying to look for it here.”

“Do you have it?”

“...nope.” 98-kun sighed. “Couldn’t find it.”

“Darn,” said 95-tan. “Well, thanks anyways.”

7.5-tan, near the cash registers, and ME-tan next to her, then announced, “Attention Kmart Shoppers! For the college students in the store, I have something new in stock:” She got out a pill bottle, “Methamphetamine!”

“Methylphenidate,” corrected ME-tan. “You do realize my mom needs that, right? I seriously think it’s a bad idea for you to sell it.”

“Why do you think I’m selling it near her?”

“I thought it was because I wouldn’t let you use mine.”

95-tan looked over at 7.5-tan. “Selling what?”

“Ritalin,” said 7.5-tan, grinning.

“Why?” 95-tan asked, somewhat annoyed. She then thought for a few seconds, and then asked, “How much?”

7.5-tan shot a glare and threw the pill bottle at 95-tan. “It’s yours!” She then ran off.

“What was that about?” 95-tan asked.

“She’s trying to get kicked out by selling drugs,” said ME-tan. “I don’t think it’s a good idea. She could get arrested.”

“She’s something, isn’t she?” asked 95-tan.

“I’m glad I’m following her, but sometimes she’s just being silly.”

95-tan then realized something. She still needed to take her medicine. “Inu-T!” shouted 95-tan.

Inu-T then came from under the desk 98-kun was working at. “Wauf!”

“There you are,” said 95-tan. “Could you please lead me to the drink section of the store?”

Inu-T dragged 95-tan to the refrigerated drinks section. She then stumbled upon one of her granddaughters, Visko (whom looks like the Chiivistan design), naked and masturbating with a vibrator that looked like a cob of corn. A cornbrator, if you will. On her back was a birthmark of a column of four stars along her shoulderblade.

“Ah!” 95-tan shouted in surprise. “Why are you doing that in front of the drinks?” she asked. “I need some ＡＥＳＴＨＥＴＩＣ water to take my medicine!”

“I’m in the middle of something,” the Vistan said.

“Visko! Can’t I please get some Fuji Water?”

“Nah. You’ll have to settle for something less beautiful.”

“Wauf!”

“I won’t,” said 95-tan. 「 **ＳＴＡＲＴ　ＭＥ　ＵＰ！** 」she shouted, and reddish-pink vines surrounded her body. She pointed at Visko, and the vines touched the Vistan.

“叔母さん！ What are you doing?” Visko asked angrily. She felt less aroused.

95-tan glared at her granddaughter. “Move if you want to feel aroused? ...that’s weird.”

“Wauf!”

“You said it, Inu-T. This is not something anyone should say to their grandchild at all.”

“How far?”

“You’ll know when... when I’m where you’re currently sitting!”

95-tan practically walked the naked Visko, holding the cornbrator, down a few stocked fridges. 95-tan had a significant look of disgust as she practically walked her granddaughter. When 95-tan noticed she was past the Fuji water, she walked back, and retracted the vines. She took a bottle of Fuji water. She opened the pill bottle that she had, took a pill out, swallowed it, then drank some Fuji water.

She felt fairly good afterwards. Herself calmer, more able to tend to the registers as she promised.

95-tan returned with Inu-T to the cash register.

“Where have you been?” asked a worn-looking 98-kun.

“Using my stand to get my granddaughter to stop masturbating,” said 95-tan.

“Why?”

“Did you expect me to take my medicine without the appropriate drink?” asked 95-tan.

“Actually, yes!”

“Well...” 95-tan looked at the nearest water fountain, then looked back at 98-kun. “Hassan, do you know how disgusting Indianapolis water is?”

“We don’t get Ohio river water here,” said 98-kun. “Besides, why didn’t you just call security?”

“Haruka,” 95-tan said, “This isn’t the first time you’ve seen me when the medicine wore off. I’m sure the question answers itself in that context.”

98-kun sighed. “Yep. Anyways, I’m going to ask your granddaughter to leave.” 98-kun then left.

“Wait!” 95-tan shouted. She sighed, then checked out the Fuji water herself. If this weren’t a Kmart, she wouldn’t have paid for it, but because she wanted to support the financially-struggling Kmart, she paid for the drink.

* * *

“What are you doing?!” shouted 7.5-tan at Visko. “There’s trying to get kicked out of a Kmart, and then there’s being indecent and disgusting.”

“You left an indecent and disgusting gift for aunt Jana,” said ME-tan. “You also sold drugs. I don’t think you can comment about being indecent and disgusting.”

“See, I don’t know anyone that has the ability to control shit and piss,” said 7.5-tan. “However, I do know someone that can use fucking red vines that she insists are purple that can do interesting things to your genitals! Since you’re her granddaughter, I can only assume you know!”

“If I didn’t know, I learned,” admitted Visko.

Another Vistan, this one looking like the Vistake character design, spoke up. “Why do we do this?”

“Kmart is a den of chaos for reasons only OS-tans can appreciate,” said 7.5-tan. “And the odd human, but only if they have the ability known as a stand. All OS-tans have stands. Same with all Kmarts.”

“Why is this?” asked ME-tan. “My mom never told me that Kmart had a stand.”

“My guess is that Sebastian S. Kresge, the man that founded Kmart, somehow managed to imbue his stand into every Kmart,” commented 7.5-tan, “ Even the ones built long after his death. It’s almost as if every Kmart has a part of him. I have no idea why he did this, but he probably did. Either him, or someone connected to Kmart in a major way... but it doesn’t get more major than Kresge.”

“What about Kroger?” asked ME-tan.

“Kroger and Kresge are not the same,” said 7.5-tan, shaking her head.

“What is Kmart’s stand?” asked the unnamed Vistan.

“I have no clue,” said 7.5-tan. “I know that stand users are attracted to other stand users, and OS-tans are always stand users, and thus chaos. It’s the natural way of being a stand user, and thus, being an OS-tan. I’m not one to fight fate. At least when it’s going my way. There are enemy stand users on their way here, however.”

“Please refrain from trolling your grandchildren,” said ME-tan. “Speaking of the fact that you’re related to my children, where’s Steven?”

“Hey! Just because I haven’t seen proof that Kmart doesn’t have a stand doesn’t mean that I can’t say that it does with absolute certainty,” said 7.5-tan. “...Oh. I was serious about the stand stuff, though.”

ME-tan nodded at 7.5-tan. “Yeah. Anyways, where’s Steven?”

“I dunno. Probably sleeping on a mattress or something,” said 7.5-tan. “He’s a retired adult, and not my responsibility.”

ME-tan looked at 7.5-tan with confusion. “Why?”

“I’m not the type of person to 「 **meddle** 」 in her adult children’s lives,” replied 7.5-tan. “If your husband would rather sleep in a Kmart than at his own house, then it’s your problem. Not mine.”

“We’re doing fine,” said ME-tan. “Right Vistans?”

“Actually, grandma, they don’t fight a lot,” said Visko. “I wanted to be contrary and say they fought all the time, but the last time they fought when I was around was say,,. just last month when dad forgot to put the toilet seat down, there was an argument.”

“A lot of couples fight about that,” said ME-tan.

“Relatable,” 7.5-tan simply said. “My own children got mad at me for accidentally leaving the seat up.”

“I thought you gave birth to dad,” commented the other Vistan.

“I think I said too much in this public space about my genitals,” said 7.5-tan. “Elizabeth, please tell your children to stop being so sexual.”

“I think it’s pretty funny really.”

“You guys are truly the descendants of Windows 95. Your mother would probably be proud of you right now, Elizabeth.”

“I don’t think she would approve of this, actually. Besides, look who went one and two in aunt Jana’s lane.”

“Your aunt Jana is an asshole. I thought you’d know this by now!”

“A lot of people go to Kmart to find some ancient treasures and to screw around,” said ME-tan, changing the subject. “Why not try to look for those kinds of people?”

“Yes, but your aunt is still an asshole.”

“You are the most interesting mother-in-law anyone could have. I only wonder how Hinata deals with you.”

* * *

As this Kmart’s sole line of defense in normal situations, OS 8-tan was checking the mattresses to see if there were anyone sleeping on them. That distracts from a store as well. She found her brother, OS 9-kun, sleeping on one of the mattresses, and a strange purple-haired woman sleeping on another.

“Steven, get up,” said Mac OS 8-tan, nudging their sleeping brother awake. “Can’t have anyone sleeping in the mattresses.”

Steven got up and yawned. “Hey Adagio. Where’s Elizabeth?”

“Probably with mom somewhere,” said Adagio. “They’re trying to get kicked out of Kmart. I’m aware of this, and I’m not kicking them out unless others start complaining. I won’t let them win that easily.”

“What if I said I was with them?”

“You aren’t, Steven. Please get up before I kick you out.”

“Fine.” He then got a nearby empty cart and started to shop or something.

OS 8-tan then went over to the strange purple-haired woman. They then nudged her. “You too. I’m even willing to kick out my own brother.”

The woman got up. She then spoke. “You can’t kick me out. I live here.”

“Yeah, no. You don’t live at Kmart. Get out,” ordered OS 8-tan.

The woman then pulled out a skull.

Mac OS 8-tan looked at the skull in horror. “What is that thing?”

“You can see it?” The woman looked at the skull. “So you can see my 「 **ＥＲＲＯＲ　ＯＦ　ＵＮＩＶＥＲＳＥ** 」?”

“A stand? Does that mean... you’re a stand user?”

“I’m an OS-tan. Of course I am.” The woman sighed. “Ever since the fall of my nation... we have lived in this Kmart. Protecting it from threats and thieves. By trying to kick me out, you have become one of these 「 **threats** 」. It’s amazing that their security here now has OS-tans.”

“Why should I believe you?” questioned the Mac-tan. “I don’t even know who you are!”

「私の名前は平沢友です。」

“Tomo... That name... it seems... familiar. As if my mom spoke of a Tomo once.”

“So your familiarity... I’m Amiga-tan, since you seem to have forgotten. We Commodores protect Kmart. My brother, Victor, loves Kmart with a passion, and he convinced us all to protect it. If you kick any of us out, you’ll have to deal with all of us. Pippin.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I think you are referring to my mom.”

“I had no idea that 中野ピピン even had children. I’ll be honest.”

“Again, don’t know who you are talking about,” OS 8-tan admitted. “My mom must have many secrets.”

“Do you wish to join me in the protection of Kmart?” asked Amiga-tan.

“I come from a group that does that, actually,” said OS 8-tan.

“I’d like to meet them, then.”

* * *

[](http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/)  
Attention Kmart Shoppers is licensed under a [Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License](http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, this chapter took longer to come out because I really wasn't sure on this thing.


End file.
